The Chicago Bulls did Wednesday what the Miami Heat’s opponents had failed to do for their last 27 games, they won, and in my opinion the world is a better place for it. Are the Miami Heat the best team in the NBA? The answer is an indisputable yes. Is Lebron James the best player in the NBA and now one of the best players of all time. This answer is also an indisputable yes. The reason for my belief is had they won 34 games in a row, we all would have been subjected to countless invalid comparisons to most likely every team and player in NBA history. Let’s be realistic, when the Lakers went on their streak in 1971-72, the NBA was a much different place. Most important to point out is that there were only 17 teams in the NBA at that time, does this alone discredit the Heat’s accomplishments? Of course not, but it does serve to put them into prospective. The NBA is in a down cycle right now. The talent pool is watered down resulting in numerous teams that, for Miami, are no form of obstacle. The number of true superstars is very low, I mean real game-changers, franchise-builders, the kind of guys that can and will carry a team to victory when called on to do so. Who are they? James, Durant… now who? Kobe, although fighting father time off with a bat, IS getting older, Wade is a second fiddle, Rose has been out for 12 seasons straight now, or at least it seems like it, Dwight is who I always knew he was, more trouble than he’s worth, and Carmelo is a scorer and nothing else. Sure there’s Chris Paul, Russel Westbrook, James Harden and other guys playing at a high caliber, but are they superstars? No.

We should also never forget the colluding that James-Wade-Bosh did during the 2010 offseason to ensure that they would be teammates, that must be taken into consideration when comparing them to other teams. Never has a team been more player manufactured, it’s hard to allow that and then put them against the 1986 Celtics or the 1996 Bulls. Now that we’re finished with the negatives, a few positives. No matter the competition, if you win 27 games in a row, you are doing something very right. Lebron James is an absolute freak and a future hall of famer. It’s also interesting to note that Miami is able to win so frequently with very little size and rebounding. The only way they can win is forcing you to play their style and their opponents are helpless but do so. That’s not to say that there weren’t more than a few games during their streak that were a little bit suspect, which brings us to Lebron’s quote after their first loss in 27 games.

“I believe and I know that a lot of my fouls are not basketball plays. First of all, Kirk Hinrich in the first quarter basically grabbed me with two hands and brought me to the ground. The last one, Taj Gibson was able to collar me around my shoulder and bring me to the ground. Those are not defensive & those are not basketball plays.”

Wow. This guy is going to complain about fouls? There has never been a star in the NBA more unaware of himself and of the fans perception of him. If Lebron James were to have more fouls called in his favor, everyone would have to walk off the court while he shoots free throws for 48 straight minutes. He is such a good player but he makes it so impossible to not despise him. It’s the same thing as when Shaq used to whine about the refs, you immediately wonder to yourself, did this guy just say what I think he said? NBA reporters, analysts and commentators are all saying the same thing now that they did then. “This player is so big and so strong that they are so hard to officiate.” No, they aren’t. They foul a lot. Fouls are called for them a lot.

Cetlics GM Danny Ainge was recently interviewed and asked about Lebron’s dislike of his recent officiating, to which Ainge said, “I think that it’s almost embarrassing that Lebron would complain about officiating.” Now we all know there is no love lost between the Celtics and the Heat and Ainge may not possess the most unbiased opinion but that does not make it untrue. The most impressive streak of the year is not the Miami Heat’s 27 game unbeaten streak. The most impressive streak of the year is Lebron’s 5 game foul free streak. That is insane. Insanely impossible. It is impossible for a player that plays with his level of aggression and physicality on offense and defense to go a single game without fouling let alone 5. It’s hard to look at that stat and say he isn’t playing with a separate set of rules. Lebron James fouls, travels, turns the ball over very often, just like every other player, let’s stop pretending he doesn’t.

Now the streak isn’t all about Lebron, there’s Dwyawyayeane Wade, Chris Bosh, Ray Allen and some good role players that have all contributed to their team’s dominance this season. But… Let’s be honest it’s always all about Lebron. It’s probably good for them that they were able to have their streak extinguished before the playoffs started and they began their title defense. Hadn’t it happened, it would have been a major distraction. However, not enough of a distraction that they wouldn’t have been able to win it all this year and oh yes NBA fans, they are going to win it all again.

 

It’s not enough to just make it to the NBA and play basketball at the highest level there is, you have to be memorable. You have to give the fans something they can cling to, something they can personalize about you to relate to you. Nicknames, of which there are no shortage of in the NBA, serve to further cement a basketball legacy. There are players that, had it not been for their nickname, would have long faded into NBA obscurity as if they were a used VHS copy of “Blue Chips” sitting in the back room of a soon-to-be-Chipotle, Blockbuster Video store. Then there are others, whose nicknames are but the cherry on top of their illustrious careers, and also the in-betweeners, players who had or are having serviceable careers and just have that “it” factor, any who, enough with the chit chat let’s get to that list.

10. Gary Payton – The Glove

The reference is simple, your offense is the hand, his defense is the glove, good luck! Gary Payton’s on the ball defense was so intense that he left behind a mile long wake of recently rockless point guards. He was the scourge of the Puget Sound and later Lake Michigan. Point guards everywhere beware, your handle is suspect when the Glove is d’ing you up and it won’t be long before he reaches into your cookie jar and exposes you and your inability to cross half court with him in your path.

 

9. Vinnie Johnson – The Microwave
Vinnie Johnson, by all rights a good player, not a superstar by any means but one of the above mentioned serviceable players. His nickname, however, fits his playing style to a T. Nestle recommends that Hot Pockets be microwaved for 2 minutes or 3.5 minutes for two. In 3.5 minutes Vinnie “The Microwave” Johnson could  change the face of the game. He was the guy off the bench that could heat up so quickly on offense that it his opponents, both NBA players and chicken nuggets, were left reeling.

 

8. Pete Maravich – Pistol Pete
The Pistol, Pistol Pete, either one, it doesn’t matter that’s what Pete Maravich was known as. No one in the history of known humanity has referred to him as “Pete Maravich,” that name will eternally be preceded by the word Pistol. When he was born his mother called him Pistol. Wikipedia will tell you that he was given the nickname Pistol because of his shooting motion being similar to a gunslinger’s drawing motion, in that both begin at the hip. Nope, sorry internet, I’m going with the theory that he was born “Pistol Pete Maravich.”

 

7. Dennis Rodman – The Worm
Younger readers of Offcourtissues will recognize Rodman for his more recent diplomatic work but believe it or not this ambassador used to play in the NBA. The Worm, it really is a ridiculous nickname, but somehow it fits Rodman so well. Rodman’s mother gave him the nickname because he wriggled around while playing pinball as a child. Fair enough. Who knows how or why this nickname followed the Worm to the NBA but it did and we are all greater for it.

 

6. Tyrone Bogues – Muggsy Bogues
Admit it, you thought his name really was Muggsy. Tyrone Bogues sells you a used car. Muggsy Bogues locks you up on D and shreds you on offense, all while barely reaching your belt buckle. Nicknamed Muggsy because his defense was so tight it was as if he was mugging you, Bogues played the bulk of his career with the Charlotte Hornets. I can not 100% confirm this, but I do believe that as part of some sort of cross promotional stunt, during the 1991-92 season Muggsy rode an actual hornet onto the court for short around.

 

5. Larry Bird – Larry Legend/The Hick from French Lick
 It’s almost unfair, Larry Bird is the proud owner of two nicknames that both deserve to be on this list. He also deserves some form of extra credit for somehow avoiding an avian based nickname, I mean his last name IS Bird, and honestly the dude kind of looks… well bird-like. As far as his actual nickname(s), anytime you have Legend as or part of your nickname, well that’s just awesome. As for the Hick from French Lick, well that’s just hilarious. Not only does Larry look bird-like, but he kind of looks hick-like, and who honestly names their town French Lick? It has the word Lick in it!!

 

4. Bryant Reeves – Big Country
Bryant Reeves isn’t necessarily the player on this list with the most storied NBA career, but c’mon, Big Country! How fitting of a nickname is that? Reeves was given the nickname because of his… WHO CARES, BIG COUNTRY!!! To look at Bryant Reeves is to look into the soul of America’s heartland. Look into his eyes and see wild mustangs roaming beautiful pastures, grazing on lush green grass as the sun sets upon a majestic ridge line. The heart of a bear, the soul of a mountain and the spirit of an oak tree, that is Big Country.

 

3. Kobe Bryant – Black Mamba
Kobe Bryant is one of the most polarizing players in the NBA today, if you’re a Lakers’ fan, you love him, if you’re not, chances are you aren’t to fond of him. Even his most steadfast of detractors in their heart of hearts can not question his game though, and his nickname is as strong as his jump shot. The Black Mamba, such a rarely used nickname but definitely top of the list when it comes to coolness. Bryant falls back a few notches because this nickname was self-given, which let’s be honest is kind of lame, but hey we’re all letting him get away with it. Black Mamba, definitely the best nickname playing today.

 

2. Darryl Dawkins – Chocolate Thunder
Remember when everyone wanted to see somebody dunk so hard that they broke a backboard? What were we thinking? Sure it’s cool for a few seconds but then reality sets in, as does the delay of equipment managers scrambling to find a replacement basket. Forget that second part, stick to the first, breaking backboards is awesome and Chocolate Thunder was the pioneer. We also can’t forget that Dawkins was given his nickname from none other than Stevie Wonder which has to be good for something right?

 

1. Earvin Johnson – Magic Johnson
Could it really be anyone else? When your nickname stops being your nickname and starts being your actual name, well you my friend have been branded. Magic Johnson was born with a lot of gifts, height, athletic build, unsurpassed court vision, but a non-vomit-inducing first name was not one of them. Seriously, who names their poor child Earvin (sorry all you Earvins out there)? Magic was, for lack of a better term, a magician on the basketball court, capable of creating plays where they had no business existing. The name Magic is so fitting of Magic that it’s impossible to have him anywhere on this list but number one.

 

The top ten NBA nicknames, I have given them to you. Sure there are a few debates to be had and trust me there were some very difficult omissions but I have my reasons. There are some very iconic nicknames that everyone knows but just don’t have a lot behind them like Dr. J, Iceman etc. Then there are those that are just plain hilarious like What Mamba, but that’s just trying to hard. That’s the thing about lists, they’re made to spark debate so have at it.