Humankind has irreversibly embarked on a quest for improvement, the supporting evidence surrounds everyone of it’s inhabitants. In all endeavors, there are few words more fatal to progress than “good enough” or “it’s perfect.” Our cup runneth over with innocent ignorance which only becomes apparent when viewed from a lofty, future perspective. Indeed, it is this very circumstance that insists head not be laid to pillow and midnight oil be burnt. The necessity for advancement is an undeniable truth which must be faced with persistent aggression. Yet, this responsibility falls not solely upon the waning shoulders of the elite, powerful or brilliant, it is a load that must be bared by all who lay witness to the possibility of greatness. Progress is ripe for the picking and we must all focus our efforts on our own valid opportunities. It is high time to affix the shining light of progress on perhaps the most noble of concerns, how can we make the NBA better?
1. Flopping must be stopped no matter the cost
Flopping is the mutant offspring of progress. It is a vermin, a bacteria, a virus that has permeated the NBA and infected it at it’s root. Can you blame soccer’s mindset and the influx of foreign players for it’s current prevalence? Possibly, but just like life on Isla Nublar, gamesmanship finds a way. Nevertheless, the time for finger pointing has long since passed, yet the question remains, how do we stop it? Akin to any infestation, a zero tolerance policy is the only viable option. Flopping undermines the game, the refs and the fans, it is cheating. However, the fact that it is so infrequently addressed leaves it, more often, rewarded as opposed to punished. Those factors render a solution leaning towards the extreme more palatable. Do away with fines, abandon attempting mid game calls and immediate suspensions are a step too far.
The solution, teams can file a request for a potential flop investigation after every game. There will be an independent, central flopping bureau with a head investigator (I’m available btw, bye bye Lebron) that will, using every piece of film available, render a judgement. Rest assured, the NBA can afford to add a few bells and whistles like this one. If found guilty the offender will begin their subsequent game with one foul per indictment. That’s right, flop once, start the game with one foul already called on you, flop three times and you’re half way out. In addition, for every six flops you will be… That’s right, you guessed it, suspended for a game.
Think about it, it’s a plan just crazy enough to work. Overall quality of officiating aside (although there have been some steps in the right direction), there is no greater threat to the NBA than flopping, it’s eradication is a matter of dire consequence. The effectives of this penalty resides in it’s extremity, the shame associated with a flopping judgement handed down, will be enough for most players to abandon the vile technique. It is a penalty that will become so dreaded, it’s appearance will likely fade away with the flop itself, yet it will remain, ever dormant, awaiting any who dare challenge it.
2. Move the fans back
The intimacy of the NBA experience is a valued part of it’s magnificence. Whereas spectators of other sports are located behind walls, fences and plexiglass, the NBA places them front and center, atop the very surface the game is to be played upon. It’s a wonderful thing, it’s unfortunate it needs to go. Too often players are forced to dive over rows of fans in an attempt to maintain the flow of the game and retain possession. It’s a significant part of the game which should not contain risk of bodily harm. Name another sport that has furniture lining it’s boundaries?
Look no further than the recent Paul George injury as an obvious warning to be heeded. Yes he injured himself on the stanchion, but if the fans were moved back, the door for the necessary stanchion redesign would be wide open, thus moving it back as well.
To argue the movement of the fans back is to align with the courtside spectator, the particular group that makes up less than 1% of the fans in attendance. The sight of fans on their respective mobile devices as they sit on the same bench as the team they came to see, never fails to fill the avid NBA fan with a Bieber fueled murderous rage. I don’t know about you but I’ve never sat courtside. Screw those guys.
3. No more NBA hype men
Deeeetroit Baaaasketball!!!! Just call the game. You have a very simple job, announce who just scored for the six people in the stands who couldn’t figure it out on their own. Forced excitement is to a truly electric event as the lay up is to the dunk. Their both there, but one is clearly better than the other. Allow the game to drive the crowd, to dictate the environment, allow memorable moments to play out, don’t be the unwanted soundtrack to their impedance.
This is the rare occasion where baseball leads the way. Let the spirit and traditionalism of the game hold weight over the social media inspired, organized confusion that the modern NBA arena sojourn has become. If we can stomach the corporate sponsorship and audial onslaught most arenas now feature, at the very least allow us to watch the actual game uninterrupted. Small children beware though, if that t-shirt comes flying in to my zone, you know who’s coming down with it. Man does not fly in the house of Offcourtissues.
4. Raise our expectations
Make your free throws. Shall we all agree to stop affording exceptions for certain individual’s glaring weaknesses? You’re a professional basketball player, you are paid well to play the game, that’s all aspects of it. Dwight you are going to have to make free throws and none of us want to hear the old, “hands are too big to shoot consistently” argument. James Harden and Carmelo you are going to have to play defense. Rondo, you are going to have to develop some semblance of a shot. DeMarcus Cousins, stop crying, you’re like a season away from being the best center in the league (if not already) and receiving the notoriety you deserve.
This one’s more of a rule for us fans and franchise decision makers, who do need to stop handing out max contracts like their candy. Chandler Parsons is the highest paid player on the Mavericks, very good player, but is he better than Dirk and Monte? No. Overspending on players because “it’s the only way to get them” is a dangerous game, which is rarely regarding as fiscally sound.
5. Just make the calls
Traveling, double dribble, fouls, palming, just call them. Do away with star calls and break this down to it’s most fundamental root. Call the game the way it was meant to be played, a foul in the first quarter should be same as in the fourth. It’s what most core NBA fans want more than anything and it’s ridiculous that the fact that the actual rules of the game are not called, is widely recognized and acknowledged. Via casual glance or microscopic view, this flaw is visible and the easiest to rectify.
DO IT ALREADY!
