What’s Beef? Beef is when I see you, guaranteed to be in ICU. Nah, these are calmer, more peaceful days, where instead of reaching for the strap, we reach for the smartphone, take to social media and bus off snapchat caps. The NBA is a fraternity, a group of individuals who share a common profession the vast majority of the world will never experience. To reach basketball’s highest summit, much is required, skill, athleticism, determination and just a small dash of ego. Gather a handful of roundball virtuosos and old habits die hard, just as competition took place on the court, in the latter years, the quest for relevance and legacy finds us watching former greats scratching tooth and nail for the last scraps of recognition. We bring before the court the case of Shaq vs. Pippen. Two of the fifty greatest players in the history of the NBA, albeit the two are at completely opposite ends of that spectrum (Take a wild guess which is which). Recently Shaq took to Instagram posting the following picture and asking his followers for their opinions, wanting to hear who was the greatest all time team.
Typically the Celtics are the Lakers natural comparison for all time greatest roster, looks like Shaq wanted to go a different route. What happened throughout the course of the day was quite interesting. Their entire Instagram “beef” is pictured below.
Way to finish strong Scottie, there were more than a few low blows dealt by Shaq. Strange because, as Dikembe Mutombo will attest, Shaq loves to go high. Side note: Remember when all we heard in the early 2000s was that Shaq was “so hard to officiate?” Wrong. It ain’t that hard, when a guy elbows you in the face… That’s what we call a foul kids.
Now for a very brief breakdown of those lineups position by position:
Point Guard: Magic beats Derrick Rose by a million miles. We’re talking about a top five all time player versus a guy with limitless potential and limitless injury potential.
Shooting Guard: Jordan beats Kobe, but they both die in the battle. This is like who wins in a fight, a T Rex or a T Rex with a chainsaw. Chainsaw wins.
Small Forward: Baylor, one of the NBA’s criminally forgotten players takes Pippen. Scottie was always the ultimate role player, up against a legitimate legend, just like on instagram, number 33 takes the L.
Power Forward?: Shaq beats Rodman? Because Shaquille O’neal was a power forward right? Sure Shaq played center for his entire career, I guess the big man is just experimenting with today’s trend, the positionless lineup. Hope that doesn’t come back to bite you (it will, keep reading).
Center: Kareem sends power forward Horace Grant running home to brother Harvey, hoping to harness some form of twin power. In the battle of the goggle, the NBA’s all time leading scorer takes no prisoners.
Surprise Twist!!: Since, as previously stated, Shaq has opted to experiment with a positionless lineup, running with two centers (leave it to Shaq to turn today’s pace and space, small ball atmosphere into a lineup with two lumbering seven footers), we have a little leeway here in terms of personnel. Simply put the Lakers have a storied history of dominant centers, no significant time has ever passed since the NBA’s inception, when the Lakers didn’t possess a big man head and shoulders (get it) above his peers. Running a lineup of two seven footers is hard to fathom, running a lineup of three would be nigh impossible. The resounding result its… Shaq doesn’t make the team. If throughout Lakers’ history there were to be another center better qualified for this imaginary battle, surely they should supplant the interloper weakening the team. I present exhibit W!
Peace Shaq, another member of the top five NBA players of all time just showed up, looks your gonna have a tough time seeing the court. Never fear though, the all time Magic, Suns, Cavs and Heat have more than a few openings.
